By Mac Spain
When it comes to a good old fashioned monster movie, it tends to be the kind of experience that requires you to check your brain at the door. Sit back, relax and try not to give too much thought to every little detail on screen. Most of the time if you follow those three simple steps, you’ll leave the theatre having had a pretty good time.
The likes of Cloverfield and 2014’s Godzilla are among a few of my guilty pleasures, so please believe me when I say that I did not enter the theatre in full review mode. But it must be said, this movie…is incredibly dumb. Imagine ordering a chicken burger and moments later receiving a bun with a chicken nugget inside, how would that make you feel? Insulted? Kong Skull Island is basically the equivalent of that and quite frankly it’s just not good enough.
Looking at this film on paper it has some real potential with a long list of talent which includes the likes of Tom Hiddleston, Samuel L. Jackson, John Goodman, Brie Larson and even John C. Reilly. I don’t think any filmmaker sets out with the intention to create a bad film, but Kong Skull Island is a pretty much a lesson on how not to write characters. I mean not a single one of them is fleshed out or given a backstory, but it’s perhaps Tom Hiddleston’s character who is the biggest offender of this.
The first time he’s introduced to us is through a rather poorly edited sequence where he knocks out two guys with a pool cue. Never at any point are we given an explanation as to why he’s so exceptionally good at defending himself. One scene even has him pick up a sword and start swinging it around like some kind of samurai with years of training, and we’re just supposed to accept that. We’re supposed to care for these people who haven’t been given an ounce of humanity or likability.
Kong Skull Island takes place in the 70’s just as the Vietnam War is coming to an end and director Jordan Vogt-Roberts couldn’t have played on this anymore if he tried. There are several scenes which are edited together in a kind of music video format, and these scenes are then accompanied by the bog standard music of that era, things like Black Sabbath and CCR. I found myself awaiting CCR’s “Fortunate Son” but surprisingly that was one cliché the film didn’t actually rise to meet. Visually it’s the excrement of a green screen disaster, while also trying desperately to be Apocalypse Now, with the only problem being…it’s most definitely not Apocalypse Now.
The big ape himself had a few good moments here and there, but it doesn’t even come close to redeeming the shire stupidity of Kong Skull Island. I just sat there laughing to myself and the woman behind me decided she’d keep on making comments, which would have gotten annoying if it wasn’t for her basically saying everything I was already thinking. I obviously wasn’t the only one who found the film to be laughably bad. I like to think they rushed it out so they could get to work on what everyone really wants to see, and that’s Kong vs Godzilla. So to anyone reading this review, I plead with you not to waste your time or money on Kong Skull Island, stick with Peter Jackson’s King Kong from 2005 instead! 4/10
